There is this conversational phenomena generally known as "Preemptive futuristic listening". It's that thing we all do with other individuals. You know, the moment your mom takes on that one really abrasive tone? She clears her throat and employs that little sigh with a wheeze and then out pops that preparatory phrase "Hey honey bunches I just have a thought..." 

In that moment you get weird don't you? You know what exactly is coming. You have predicted that whatever mom is about to say it's going to be rather annoying, obnoxious and probing. You also realize that you are not interested in hearing it. You tense up, you get defensive, you get passive, evasive, reactive and so forth. It's hard to have a dialog at this point. It really doesn't matter what she is saying, what her intentions are, or for that matter what the possibilities of what she is proposing may actually be, you've checked out.

Chances are you'll be completely convinced that she is the most obnoxious human being on the globe. You have ample evidence of course, and that evidence often seems to come out in conversations doesn't it? "Mom, you do this all the time" and then an argument that spirals into an unforgiving tailspin, and you know how the rest goes. You preempted what she was going to do or say and you determined the end result of the communication before it even began. 

This sort of preemptive futuristic listening of others keeps you from hearing what is really being said. It costs you that necessary connection with others, negates any chance of being at ease, and causes stress and frustration.

Consider that you may very well be like that with everybody else in your life. Your parents always get the worst end of it, the explosive side of you. Try doing that with your boss or your lover and see how that works out (don't really try it). This is why new people can be so thrilling, you haven't formulated the type of listening filter you have with those you've known for a long time and you greet the conversations with a feeling of discovery; fresh, new, organic and full of possibilities. 

You may maintain a straight face most of the time, but underneath there is a person who is dying to have a clean slate and really feel empowered in every conversation, internal and external. Some people are just plain crazy, or rather they don't hide it well. They walk around on this planet pissed off at everybody- generally just afraid that everyone is out to get them to some degree. You already know these individuals because they always look like they have just eaten a peice of rotten fruit.

On the other hand, have you ever been in a conversation with someone in your family, a friend or co-worker and they look at you a little cockeyed when you tell them how much you enjoy practicing Yoga on a daily basis? "Isn't that the thing that those tree-hugging hippies all do naked in the woods just before they sacrifice a goat to appease the rain gods? It's not for me, keep it away" Sounds like they might be listening to you in a certain way, too. You can't have that so drudge on and prove your point right?

 What would your conversations be like if you gave up the insistence of getting your point across, too? 

Something almost magical transpires when you give up the need to insert your position, your opinions and unsolicited advice into every conversation. Make note that you probably do this in the conversations you have in your mind as well. Chances are you'll find that the context of the content of your conversations is something completely different from what you previously thought. Strange and wondrous things happens if you drop the need to predict others and prove your point. I'm just sayin'. Yoga